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Literature by HollySheep

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Submitted on
February 6, 2011
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One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Inhale. Hold your breath. Exhale.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five.

Inhale. Hold your breath. Exhale. Eyes focused on his chest.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Hands crossed as if you were praying.

Inhale. Hold your breath. Pinch his nose. Lock lips. Exhale.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. "Don't give up on me now!" Dizzy feeling.

Inhale. A tear falls. Hold your breath. Muffled cry. Exhale.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Shoulders in agony."Please! Breathe!"
Written for 100 themes challenge. Variation 2 challenge 10.

Please tell me your thoughts on this piece.

Cheers!

Thama
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:iconbloodmoonequinox:
BloodMoonEquinox Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2011  Student General Artist
Hi there! :)
This has been featured here: [link] Happy holidays!
:iconreindeerla:
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:iconkittiasher:
kittiasher Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011
Oh, wow.... this is awesome!!! I was so not expecting the ending!!! Incredible!!! Love-love-love it! At first I had an image of a young couple in a yoga class or something, and she leaned over and kissed him, but then-BAM!!! An NDE!!!! Awesome!
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:iconchouchettepeluchette:
ChouchettePeluchette Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thanks!

Glad yopu like it!

It seems I'm starting to have this tendency where I finish my stories with a twist....

Must be my mind....^^

Maybe I just like suspense too much...

Cheers!

Thama
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:iconkittiasher:
kittiasher Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011
I like the twist-effect myself. Several of my poems have it. Maybe we're having a writer's-phase or something.
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:iconchouchettepeluchette:
ChouchettePeluchette Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Probably.

Just did another one with memory....

Hope you'll like my take on it.

cheers!

Thama
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:iconcommonstrosity:
commonstrosity Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011
:P I like how all of the sentences are short, and how you split it into many little 'paragraphs' - I think that adds to the feel...like, makes it a little more ...fragmented, and...focused. Like the speaker at teh end would be.
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:iconchouchettepeluchette:
ChouchettePeluchette Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
You nailed it.

I wrote it from her point of view, as if detached and focused on the tast at hand in order not to just go into panic. I'm happy that you managed to feel that form your reading!

Cheers!

Thama
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:iconcommonstrosity:
commonstrosity Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011
Yay nailing! (:
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:iconchouchettepeluchette:
ChouchettePeluchette Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Yay! Glad I made you Yay!
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:icontynewatson:
tynewatson Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. Really good Missus, really really good! I'm still stuck :/ I'll get there in the end. (Although, just to let you know, once again we've both had the same idea and I'm thinking something CPRish too.)

Fantastic piece.

Tyne
x
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:iconchouchettepeluchette:
ChouchettePeluchette Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
What do they say...?

Great minds think alike!

Now I've started racking my brains with Memory and it is difficult again...sigh.... I'm sure we'll think of something similar again....

Except for Cut, but that for me was decided a long time ago. So I followed it to the end.

Looking forward to reading your pieced on Breathe!

Cheers!

Thama
Reply
:iconbloodmoonequinox:
BloodMoonEquinox Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011  Student General Artist
:O Wow. Just...wow.

At first, I thought it was about meditation, and I actually found myself breathing in that pattern as I read. When I got to "Eyes focused on his chest" I was intrigued. It wasn't until the last line that I realized it was about CPR/mouth-to-mouth.

I think this is very wonderfully written, and a fantastic take on the theme. Bravo, bravo! :clap: Keep up the good work! :+fav:
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:iconchouchettepeluchette:
ChouchettePeluchette Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
My ego and myself thank you! ^^
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:iconbloodmoonequinox:
BloodMoonEquinox Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011  Student General Artist
Haha! You're very welcome!
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:iconnyctophilian:
Nyctophilian Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011   Writer
It's so simple, but it paints a really good image. Good job :D
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:iconchouchettepeluchette:
ChouchettePeluchette Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Thanks!

I wanted to go very simple after my previous piece!

Cheers!

Thama
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